dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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