Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
