he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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