My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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