I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
