she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
