Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
