it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He shit in the fireplace
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
