Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
