she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
