So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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