It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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