im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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