my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize