"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We named our party play list daddy issues
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
