last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
