"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I came so hard my ears popped.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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