I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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