dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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