I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So many bounce houses so little time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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