There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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