my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
