sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I want a musical about memes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
