covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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