So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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