After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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