when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
