If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
