Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
