I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
