her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
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i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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