Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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