Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
this is an emotional support booty call
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
