I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize