i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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