He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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