I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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