My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
