Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
