My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
