my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
