I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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