You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?