So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?