I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.