So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?