chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina