Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.