My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.