Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?