You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
