talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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