Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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