Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
