also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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