I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
