We got so high we made milksteak
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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