Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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