Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
