remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
