Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize