Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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