i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
