She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
