Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
