just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
