the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
